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chris :-)

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(no subject) [Dec. 24th, 2009|06:49 pm]
chris :-)
one day somebody will love me....i mean really love me..not the bullshit ive experienced thusfar in life. i just wonder if i will have anything left to give them.
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(no subject) [Dec. 9th, 2009|05:44 pm]
chris :-)
Youre young and dumb, and think that youre invincible ... until you go to the doctor and he tells you youre not...
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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2009|07:02 pm]
chris :-)
ive come to determain that my heart is a very very confusing thing... lol my head says to forget about her, and move on, yet everytime she comes back to maryland... i go right back... wtf mate  but other then that i have feelings... for somebody that i shouldnt ( yea, really new in my book) but the fact that shell likley not want to hear it, the fact that i still do not want a relationship, and she likley knows to much about me to see me for who i am... but she used to see me.... i dont know... its all a confusing mess... which is why i leave it alone, until nights like this when im sitting around thinking lol  but the fact of the matter is.. im no good for her right now... id prolly never be... im scary damaged dark and twisty or something lol  not to mention that im happy alone for once in my life.... and the past year and a half have been awesome by myself... that said... i have this urge to tell her... even if it does nothing, because she should know.... i think..... ive been watching friends die around me and i just dont think this thing where ive been known to keep secrets for years on end is a good idea any longer... i want to put it out there... even if she could never look at me that way... she should know... and if she even never wants to talk to me again after i tell her..... atleast shell know.....im just sick of keeping secrets...
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(no subject) [Sep. 26th, 2009|09:04 am]
chris :-)
another friend is dead today..... this is getting crazy.... im too young to be losing friends my age to death.... this is fucking crazy and to top it all off... the three bastards that did it are at my work.... funeral on friday.... how many more times can i do this?
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(no subject) [Sep. 4th, 2009|09:24 pm]
chris :-)
hmmm why do i always like someone unatainable? its like my thing lol
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2009|09:22 am]
chris :-)
ok so i have this crazy thought....
Thought being...... I dont think that if any of my friends knew me.... and i do mean KNOW me, theyed like me anymore.... i dunno.... i wish one day i could let someone in.... but the day is not today
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2009|09:15 am]
chris :-)
a permanent solution....

to a temporary problem


yup sounds about right
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(no subject) [Aug. 8th, 2009|06:16 pm]
chris :-)
you can see my pain if you know where to look
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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2009|04:48 pm]
chris :-)
ok so i can pretty much get into any music school in this country...... problem... i need a frickin trumpet! damnit lol  cant i just hit a small lottery? im not asking for much... all i need is moving expenses, and then 3000 for my tumpet
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(no subject) [Aug. 7th, 2009|03:16 pm]
chris :-)
i guess that there is no great need to hide this anymore.... ive been in contact with a couple recruiters for my job but out west..... as in oregon, and washington state.... ive started the process to see if i can get a job there, it should be easy, im working to save the money to hopefully pay a couple months rent in advance to get settled if i do this.... i just... need a change..... one ill never get here.. its time to take drastic steps if im ever going to make it.i miss music, i think my calling always was music, im too good not to do something with it, id very much enjoy playing in an orchestra  ive wasted the gift long enough.
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