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ive come to determain that my heart is a very very confusing thing...… - chris's place [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
chris :-)

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[Oct. 5th, 2009|07:02 pm]
chris :-)
ive come to determain that my heart is a very very confusing thing... lol my head says to forget about her, and move on, yet everytime she comes back to maryland... i go right back... wtf mate  but other then that i have feelings... for somebody that i shouldnt ( yea, really new in my book) but the fact that shell likley not want to hear it, the fact that i still do not want a relationship, and she likley knows to much about me to see me for who i am... but she used to see me.... i dont know... its all a confusing mess... which is why i leave it alone, until nights like this when im sitting around thinking lol  but the fact of the matter is.. im no good for her right now... id prolly never be... im scary damaged dark and twisty or something lol  not to mention that im happy alone for once in my life.... and the past year and a half have been awesome by myself... that said... i have this urge to tell her... even if it does nothing, because she should know.... i think..... ive been watching friends die around me and i just dont think this thing where ive been known to keep secrets for years on end is a good idea any longer... i want to put it out there... even if she could never look at me that way... she should know... and if she even never wants to talk to me again after i tell her..... atleast shell know.....im just sick of keeping secrets...