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chris's place

Name:
chris :-)
External Services:
  • jagsreceiver89@livejournal.com
  • chalupasrule12,jagswr89 AIM status
i'm chris. I have lived what can be described by most as a hard life, which continues to grow harder with each friend who passes.I am blessed to be a part of the group of friends that i have, they are the greatest friends on this planet... and the fact that i let an outsider take me away for so long saddens me to a deeper extent then i let be seen, but im back, and ill never leave for anybody. When i have loved i have given it my all, which is why i always seem to end up hurt in the end...but dont be confused in that statement ( for clarification ask me) i can be described as scary twisted damaged on the inside, and it wouldnt be off base.. in any case im no good for anybody right now or on the forseeable future, and i am happy by myself. Today i vent my frustration into climbing..which is much more constructive then some of my previoius vents, i have climbed 3 mountains so far of the 50 in which ive set a goal.The highest ive climbed so far is a bit over 5000 feet... which will change this summer when i tackle an 8000 foot hill :-) . I live alot in my head and thats the way i like it. I dont always have answers for people because they wont like the truth, nor do they really want to hear it. I have a deep relationship with music...what that means currently i do not know... but i realize it is a part of me that won't go away... and not doing anything with the talent i have is a mistake, im working on it. I am a visionist in my music..mainly in composition i dream of composing a piece to change music... to show what i beleive music is, and should be... i am inspired. I am attempting at a feverish pace to find a place in this world... i have a good job... i have great friends but my soul is empty, again a work in progress. i have a beautiful siberian husky named Nakita. She is my best friend and never lets me down. she willingly accompanied me up all 3 mountains ive climbed and goes with me on any outdoor adventure i seek to attain. I am a dreamer to the max, i remind myself of how my dad was in this manor... always big ideas. There are many parts about me and my life i will never reveal to anybody, and if im ever to love again they will need to understand that. I dont write like i used to... i wish i did... i need to. I play halo alot... mostly to spend time with my brother who lives in hawaii, its a good way of chilling together. I dream to one day move to washington state.. and have a house in the middle of nowhere , away from everything... . this is all for right now

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